Sitting here thinking of 101 things to be doing other than revision and wondering why I'm so terrible at it when I realise...It's not the exams I'm dreading, (though heart rate does increase at the word) it's what's happening afterwards, the start of my PROPER ACTUAL LIFE.
Because what have we been doing up to now, really. Education has defined our entire life. Even if you hate it, school has been a safety net, something to do each day; an easy way to socialise and (come on, admit it) a fairly helpful thing in regards to said dreaded future. But when it's all over, when I walk out of that final exam the way Tom Cruise walks from explosions, coupled with the sheer relief will be some mild fear. I'm not one of those sickly 'live each day like it's your last' people (I'm sorry but if today had been the end for me I would not wanted to have spent it analysing poetry and eating a ham sandwich) but I do live fairly day-to-day in the sense that, University aside, I haven't really given much regard to the future.
Some people I know already have pension funds. Pension. Funds. Apparently, this is a sensible life choice and one we should all be considering. How on earth can I consider a pension fund when I cannot even defrost a lasagne?! I can't decide whether to wash my hair or not tonight let alone think about a time when, if I am not killed off by a heart attack (the crisps were worth it), I will be so old that I won't be able to work and need one of those little hand rails by the toilet. There is so much stuff to do in the future man, jobs, mortgages, kids, carpets; things I can't conceivably imagine right now but they'll creep up. Before I know it I'll be at Homebase every weekend trying to find lamps that match the curtains we bought to go with the sofas. I'LL HAVE TO BUY MY OWN SOFAS.
It's a scary thought, the future. Naturally I'm hoping (fingers, toes and other limbs crossed) that I get into University, and kick start a great career, though I'm not entirely sure I can actually be bothered... My state of apathy has spiraled out of control this year, I organised my sock drawer the other day, just to avoid doing work. I don't even have that many socks! But they're so organised now! I can see all my socks and I haven't learnt a thing about plate tectonics!
I'm a natural worrier, it's just my thing. Who knows, maybe Johnny Depp will call and I won't need to think about any of this, but on the off chance he's been typing my number in wrong (easy to hit 2 instead of 3), I'll revise some geography case studies....be on the safe side.